the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
