there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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