he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
