the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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