just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
