Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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