i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize