he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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