Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
