just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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