It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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