Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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