just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
