Where is the hickey?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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