and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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