He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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