I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
