well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
