so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
