last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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