all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
