You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
