I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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