whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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