I showed him my bush... on skype.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
