my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
