so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
