his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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