Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
