I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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