I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
