...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
