There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
