My liver just broke up with me...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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