so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
