so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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