Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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