he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
