Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
