careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
