they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
