you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
