You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
