Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
