Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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