my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
