Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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