There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
