He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my poor anus
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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