all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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