Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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