My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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