Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
